Confidence.

I haz nun.

The most courageous thing a woman can do is love herself and I'm having a hard time coming up with the courage to do that.  

But sometimes I really just want to vomit away all the fat.

But then I remember that you can't sing if you're throwing up...
But then I remember that there are PLENTY of singers with eating disorders who are throwing up every day...
But then I remember that they have the money to pay for teeth whitening and pitch correctors and auto tune...
But then I remember that they still sing live-ish...
And then I'm back to wanting to vomit away all of the fat, once again.

I'm so tired of hating myself in every way shape and form.
So VERY tired.

Also.

"My affections and wishes have not changed. But one word from you will silence me forever. If, however, if your feelings have changed, I will have to tell you: 'You have bewitched me body and soul for I love you and never wish to be parted with you from this day on.'" 

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! WHY DON'T WE SPEAK LIKE THIS ANYMORE. THAT LINE HAS TO BE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL, MOST MELODIC, MOST FANTASTIC PHRASE EVER UTTERED. THANK YOU, MATTHEW MACFADYEN. THANK. YOU.

I need a Mr. Darcy. I swear to God this man walking up to Elizabeth in the end of this movie is my second favorite part of the entire film. I can't even deal.  

Anywho, I guess I'm done now. Dentist appointment in a few hours or whatever. Seriously--don't get your wisdom teeth removed. It's SO not worth it. 

My Teeth Hurt.

You know what sucks TOTAL ass? Everything. I find myself dreaming of a reality that I don't even know exists for me. I see now, more than ever, that I am not the girl that gets everything that she's always dreamed of... you know? I've come to the obvious conclusion that one of my favorite movies is Pride and Prejudice and even though they spend the whole time basically detesting each other until the end, I still can't help be realize that I may never have that. At least not with the type of person that I wish to have it with... And I know that that sounds selfish of me, and I know it sounds stuck up, but why should my hopes as far as a guy are concerned be any more impossible than anyone else's?! Isn't it supposed to be about the person and not their looks?--well, I guess that's a pot-meet-kettle type of situation now isn't it...? I don't know what I'm saying. It's late and I'm 20 and I'm alone and I hate it. I'm either thinking about my extremely unrealistic dreams of happiness in what I want to do with my life, or I'm thinking about my unrealistic dreams of happiness in men. One way or the other, I'm unhappy... This blog just seems to be a place where I come to whine about the same shit every. single. day. I know, and I'm sorry--I guess it doesn't matter though, it's not like anyone reads it. Ha.

DON'T EVER GET YOUR WISDOM TEETH CUT OUT. IT SUCKS ASS. COMPLETE AND TOTAL ASS. Ow.

I just wanna go to California.

I don't even need to necessarily MOVE there right now. I just need to see it! Experience it! Find out what it is that I will truly LOVE about it! I just wanna go!!!!!!!